#also I like your blog a lot too
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I went on a trip with a friend of mine who carries around Hatsune Miku stickers two years ago and I wanted to tell her that Miku was still hanging on
Letās play a game
Everyone post the most recent picture in your camera roll. You only get one sentence to justify yourself if you wish. This one is mine.
My boyfriend is rly good at Latin, so I was looking up how to say āI love youā but found this instead :)
Your turn!
@bookmovietvworm
@myfairkatiecat
@i-am-a-fish
@valtsv
#I haven't actually sent the text yet so Parsnip if this is how you find out sorry I hate texting#anyway hey Freddie I wanted to let you know that I do like tag games I just do them inconsistently. I have noticed and appreciated the stuff#that you tag me in#also I like your blog a lot too
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"but spacie, i have no followers why should i reblog things" let me answer this question using myself, a person who has been using tumblr for almost a decade now, as an example. pre 2022 the most followers i ever had was like 125. most of them were dead blogs. killed in the porn ban or just people who had left for whatever reason. out of the people left who were still active, i had like 3 people at the most interact with my blog on a monthly basis. for years b4 this, i had ZERO FOLLOWERS but upon making my blog i saw all the other ppl who had been using this website longer than me talking abt how important it was ta reblog shit, and throughout all these years on tumblr, even when i had no followers i reblogged things. b/c i understood that it was integral ta the way this site functions.
now mind you, just b/c i had no followers didn't mean ppl wouldn't stop by and reblog things from my blog. every couple months id have a new person find me and reblog something. maybe they'd reblog a lot of stuff! the point is that id go months without any interaction at times and i STILL reblogged things because i knew people could find me and see something they liked on here. eventually people who frequently checked my blog ta see what i would reblog followed me!! im sure thereās ppl who dont follow me that ta this day who still reblog the stuff on here!! the point is that it genuinely doesnt matter how many followers you have. sure, it certainly helps, but ppl can still find and interact with the things on your blog without you having thousands or even hundreds of followers. so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reblog things.
#spacie spoinks#i keep seeing this mentality and guys its genuinely harmful ta the site pls š#tumblr is not a popularity contest your reblog MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!#a lot of the problems we've seen in recent years with reblogging is b/c yall are using tumblr like you would use instagram or twitter#please dont use tumblr like that#also scoop the rot out of your brain that says if you interact too much with your favorite blog on here they're going 2 hate you#if high school was an internet website it would be twitter (derogatory)#i wont hate you if you're constantly sendin me asks or messages i can just. distance myself.#if i get overwhelmed#im not tethered ta tumblr as if it was my only lifeline skjfsakjlfjkads#like there are so many ways ta customize my experience on here its chill
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.
HOWEVER.
It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.
People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?
Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?
And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:
HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.
Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.
And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.
You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly imo likability is not. the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.
#thessaly#wanda the sandman#hob gadling#fandom racism#I could've cried sexism!!! Problematic Male vs Female Characters except 1) I don't actually think that's the main reason *here*#2) there are WAY better examples of that particular double standard in this fandom#also i can admit when I'm a bit of a hypocrite or was.#i used to dip my toes into the dreamling stuff too early on#but idk. It just got too sour seeing ppl whitewash (lol I know I'm a comedian)#what he did over and over. And I genuinely had started to wonder#if the show hadn't included that particular crime and I'd just imagined it from the comics because#my memory is shit sometimes and I guess I was naive. I *wanted* to believe someone would talk aboutit#if it had made it in. but ultimately i went back and checked and no#and seeing how the whole fandom behaving affected my non-white mutuals some of whom...#like these are my friends man or ppl I just respect and I can't just. Ignore their feelings and their pov#and act like they werent making points or it doesn't matter#like it's all just fun and games for everyone on the same terms. And seeing how easy it was#for everyone to ignore was so unsettling. I couldn't keep pretending it was just fiction and didn't affect anyone real#Call me a bully a t3rf apologist (fuck you and for the record. no)#a puritan or a Fancop (actually stop comparing#people disagreeing with you online to what cops do. For fucks sake you just make it look like nothing is really real to you outside fandom)#whatever man. Whatever helps you sleep. I'm just gonna block you#if you're clearly sticking your fingers in your ears. engaging with you is a waste of time and energy then#Hell I have sympathy for anyone who doesn't like thessaly#especially trans fans. Especially rn. But lbr that sympathy for a lot of the white trans/queer fans only goes one way!!!#never gets extended to anyone else's issues. Like THATSthe issue. And it's shitty!#(sorry this post is not about me in the confessional lol that's why I put this at the bottom#I just had feelings to get out and yes its my blog but i didn't want to clog the airways)
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horribly short summary of what im trying to accomplish here, but if you were to read a fic featuring character, a soldier honorably discharged and is officially off the battlefield and yet he canāt seem to shake off the war from clinging to his body, and heās basically a bit of a mess and feels incapable of returning to ordinary life and thereās you, the sweetest thing in the whole world, and he keeps trying to tell you heās no good and youāre there to help him with everything (and it kills him a bit, to see you wasting your time to help him, and it kills him because he feels like he shouldnāt be the type of person who needs help) and !! just slowburn and falling in love and just read the tags for the vibe ok, who would it be for
#i was originally thinking ghost from cod since hello thereās so much source material to work with#and the fic would suit him nicely but also idk if i have cod readers left on my blog#so any characters are fine like an aot character would also prob fit the bill for this#but ive just been thinking abt everyone whoās analyzing hozierās snippet#with how he takes his coffee black and his whiskey neat and how this girl is too sweet FOR HIM#as inā¦ not being deserving of something so nice#and feeling that way but also showing how in the healing process - in the process of getting better -#we start to discover that we are allowed to enjoy and indulge in nice things. that we also deserve to live a life full of sweetness#and itās a bit serious since it will touch on ptsd; on survivors guilt#and the fic is long - spanning from getting together to him having kids w u#& how even after all this time sometimes the war is still fresh as ever on his mind#and just !!! itās a lot#also that Taylor line thatās like āis it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything?#āor do you just not want toā + āyou wouldnāt be the first renegade to need somebodyā
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hey guys. remy design
#remy the farmer#dol#my art#sorry it took so long for me to make this#im watching live shows for one of my favorite music projects in the corner and i have to pause drawing to scream every 5 seconds#if i were in that crowd id be yelling. id faint. only but a dream to attend one of these#to the people that sent me another personality swap request also. i promise im not ignoring you but the one that said#''avery and eden swap would be a nightmare''#youre completely right. it is a nightmare. i cant think of anything#so if either of you have any more ideas or anyone else does then PLEASE help me im begging you all i can think of is ??? i dont know#i hope you guys like this remy though#i was worried about if it was good enough but special thanks to the people on my side account that told me it was fine#i posted fem remy there too if you want to see it#i think when i do fem vers of them all ill group them up because itll take me less time to make it since ill already have the design basis#and also i feel bad for spamming you guys#actually would you prefer i keep posting them one by one or should i post them all at once? for these designs#i feel bad posting separately because that means the people who rb my posts reblog like 10 separate design posts in a row :(#and i dont want them to spam their blogs because of me#but i do really really appreciate it when i see someone do that in my notifs :) so thank you a lot if you do#and also thank you to everyone who leaves tags i read each and every one of them obsessively like a freak#this is getting too long im going to hit the tag limit at this rate#ill try to work on the avery eden thing again#see you all later :)
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š
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep šš#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#āwas it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?ā#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#āI want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!ā#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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Recognizing Early Signs of Mental Illness
#fe3h#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#thats all it gets tagged as. if you see it then you were meant to see it.#txt post#side note while im in the tags no one looks at#im not too big a fan of the way people call his untreated psychosis as him being feral#its not a ground breaking take with the last 5 years of the game existing but ive only beem into fe3h for a year and its my blog#so I get to talk about it#like yes I understand its because he's likened to a Feral Boar charging ahead with destruction in its path and no brains etc etc#whatever felix said#but the way fans take that and really focus on calling an unhoused man with unresolved childhood ptsd haunting him for life feral?#the way fans take that and call a guy whos psychotic breakdown went untreated for 5 years feral?#REALLY doesnt sit well with me#idk im not the sort to be like āhe didnt mean to murder this isnt him š„ŗā because he did do that. a lot of that.#But people do things they dont want to do all the time when given the right mental state for it#Do you see people on the streets talking to themselves and shouting at the air and call them feral?#the ones you can smell from 6 feet away? the ones who have a crust on their hands and hair stiff from not having access to a proper shower?#the ones that havent had access to help or medication? Do you call them feral? Do you extend a hand or even look in their direction?#I'm rambling by this point. tldr mental health awareness and be kind to one another#and also to be careful and use your best judgement when helping because I stopped for an older woman asking for help#and she almost stabbed me in an empty parking lot#not my brightest moment
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.
#blocks an anon that says they reported my blog for promoting āmodern day slaveryā and an anon ragging on all 5 of the boys also disappears#shocking š±#the modern day slavery thing is because of the dynamics of my marriage which....#say a lot about your ability to understand and respect different relationships#or possibly just speak to the truth about the anon's maturity#anyway my husband ordered me a sourdough breakfast sandwich from dunkin today and is going to eat the bacon#because my autism makes it so I struggle a lot with food but the number one part of our power exchange is he takes care of me#even when it comes to my 'weird' eating habits which literally any autistic person can tell you comes with a whole host of shame#but he helps me through every fucking step#i truly try not to brag too much about how good I have it relationship wise but genuinely GET YOU A LOVE LIKE OURS SORRY NOT SORRY#best friends since high school#ride or dies since high school#we hadn't talked for over a year and when his life started to implode back in 2008 i was THE ONLY person he knew he could trust
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in may, itāll be two years since succ ended, and i canāt ever even imagine leaving it behind
#iāve been here like nearly three (šµāš«) years already and my hyperfixation does ebb and flow but never fully goes away#and iām still writing fic pretty consistently#itās like the one fandom iāve written the most for#even in terms of stuff i havenāt posted#bc literally my notes apps is mostly wips/ideas of the tomgreg fic variety#with a couple other succ related things#for flavour#i feel like the fandom has dwindled since the show ended#and like i understand bc no new content etc#or not much anyways#and i mostly see the same couple blogs#and i love yāall so bad#you are my life support#i check in with your blogs when iām suffering withdrawals#and itāll be a sad day when they too go away#but yeah like i said#not going anywhere#i mean i might not post a whole lot for personal reasons or whatever#but in terms of still busy active in the fandom#like hi hello itās me iām the only one in this empty room#even if itās just writing my silly little fics <3#i feel like iāve made this post a bunch but like#i love this show so much#and my gay businessmen <333#and also just a thing to say iām still here in general i guess?#if like ppl might be worried about me or are interested in anything to do with me#currently working on my er.. current fic#and just vibin mostly? living my life? livin la viva loca i guess you could say?#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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Iād just like to say thank you for drawing Gavin and Chris being friends. Definitely an underrated pair and Iām so happy that art of them exists. Makes my day to see them honestly.
Also, please make more because this fandom definitely needs it š
OH HELL YEAH that's some of my favorite stuff to draw for DBH tbh! There is something so charming about unhinged coworker dynamics... I say this as someone who has been the unhinged coworker and someone who has heard unhinged coworkers.
Thank you so much though! I'm glad you've enjoyed what I have so far! I will say that while I didn't have the energy to draw it yesterday for Halloween, the idea that I had was them just alternating who got to wear the Ghostface mask. (I have never seen any of the Scream movies but I do know that there's not a Singular Ghostface, but multiple people)
Like someone would walk past Gavin's desk and he's just on his phone not looking up while Chris is making a work call - wearing the mask. Then five minutes later Chris tosses it over saying he needs some air and Gavin wears it. But the fact it was Halloween nobody really clocks the swap at first just "wow I am REALLY tired I thought it was the other one wearing it. I must really need coffee" and then half an hour passes and they've swapped who's wearing it again.
#moe talks a lot#not art#detroit become human#sorry im drawing an oc today but i definitely absolutely have more ideas for them in the future!#i feel like they deserve the attention too bc side characters...#bro isnt even the primary antagonist to connor like imagine being disliked by fans and youre a secondary antagonist#also i think about them a lot bc of their scenes together and how casual they are around each other like when in the interrogation#gavin pushes chris forward like you handle that guy dude you got this#and how even after gavin is rude to hank it falls to chris saying alright have a nice night .... truly the balance the world needs#also chris is just flat out one of my favorite characters so 100% looking forward to learning how to draw him better#there are so many fun dynamics to explore in dbh but i may have a chris miller bias#i feel like i might have lots of incorrect opinions due to biases and the fact they were born in 2002 and 2008 but like.... i have to shove#SOME of the current trends onto them as a past thing like the capri sun comic with chris#i have lots of thoughts about the game and the characters but since i figure most people dont really want those essays#i stick to my fun lil doodle comics bc i enjoy drawing them and it keeps my blog art oriented#while slowly pushing my headcanons and agendas
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@soulgathered replied ; // grabby hands do you have a list of all creatures and blogs š
ć
¤/ I do!! I kinda have to update my muse list (because I might be taking some of them out as I don't feel their muses as strong) BUT ! these are the ones on this blog. The ones that have their names bolded mean that I can normally pick them up without having to re-read my notes for them/research again or that I have their characters better settled inside my head as in how I want to portray them (At least currently!)
C.onstantine XI (rider) / about
A.shwatthamaĀ (archer)
V.lad III (slighty canon div)
J.ason (saber)
C.amazotz (temp. assassin)
O.dysseus (rider)
D.aybit (crypter)
T.ezcatlipoca (grand assassin)
C.harlemagne (saber)
M.octezuma II (Avenger)
D.uryodhana (rider)
R.itsuka F.ujimaru (master)
K.ukulkan (canon divergent, rider )
T.laloc (pretender)
N.itocris (caster)
M.oriarty (ruler)
N.ero Claudius (saber)
A.sclepius (caster)
A.ntonio S.alieri (Avenger)
M.organ le Fay (Berserker)
O.beron (pretender)
L.ucifer ( ? )
E.dmond D.antes (Avenger)
A.rjuna (Archer) ;
A.rash (archer)
G.ilgamesh (caster & archer)
A.rthur P.endragon (saber)
Jekyll & Hyde (assassin / berserker)
There are some muses in here that have their -own- individual blogs but that sometimes I put them in here to save the trouble of logging in and out like;
@oldestking - G.ilgamesh
@wieldedhonor - A.rthur P.endragon
@hopemerged - A.rash
@005mins - D.aybit
@hiruinonai - S.aito H.ajime
@nitonitonito - N.itocris
@hidrogenium - J.ekyll & H.yde
@viijaya - A.rjuna
@sundescended - K.arna
@boldestgreen - R.obin Hood
@vindictalead - E.dmond D.antes
As for blogs that aren't f.go related that I currently use the most;
@sculptambitio - J.ojo's b.izarre a.dventure multimuse
@aphomic - D.oppo K.annonzaka
@pressurebrew - E.spresso cookie
@hungwood - M.atthias C.zernin
@tugpull - I.ori Motohashi G.riffith
@oldmankneez - T.surumaru K.uninaga
@lusitfidem - A.venturine
@utsugyo - S.asori
@pyfog . i.dv multi
@tanzoshi - Swords multi
#;ooc#ooc#COUGHS A LUNG#THIS MIGHT have been a bit embarassing they are TOO MANYYYY! but -coughs- my creatures your honor-#TO BE 100% HONEST;; im mostly here on d.arabeatha and on my j.ojo's multi#g.il is like a constant he's been there since 500 years he pops in whenever he wants like a spoiled cat#a.rthur too pops in here and there in true once and future king fashion; and a.rash i've also written him for some time#tho now he's more chilling on the back#tho if we go by oldest in here; i'd say its my r.obin blog alongside my d.antes + sherlock def my n.ero#/n.ero was my first ever f.go muse; i didnt even know fully what was going on in f.go i just loved reading about the emperor and seeing her#but i dont really write in their blogs anymore; they are here regardless#i have a lot of random blogs but i didnt list them bc i dont really go on them anymore; the muse inspo...#-gives them all to u- here my liege
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That LCSYS and OoA crossover got me wondering about Fuuta.
How does he feel about being in Mahiru's place and Amane being in his place? How does he act around them?
How does he act during his interrogation?
Poor guy isn't cut out for this role, but he's doing his best! I had some format fun with this one -- I took your OoA chapter of his interrogation and put Fuuta's LCSyS thoughts in between, I think it worked out well! I discovered some new things about Fuuta's mindset in the au through the process of writing, it was really interesing :0
(Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, including a brief mention of Haruka's situation. There's also something about Fuuta repeatedly stopping Es from getting Shidou.)
Fuuta heard Es' footsteps approaching. He took a measured breath. In and out. His exhale trembled a bit from nerves. He figured he could use that to his advantage.
Es entered the cell and took in the layout. Fuuta was propped up in a hospital bed, his neck and torso securely braced and his left arm in a sling. He was kneading a Jackalope stress toy with his right hand, digging his nails into it. More stress toys stood on the table to his right, and Es almost tripped on one a few feet ahead. As Fuuta saw Es approaching, he dropped what he was holding and swatted the rest out of his reach.
"Been aā¦ while, Warden," Fuuta said. Es was expecting more malice in his tone, but he sounded like his life force was draining.
Fuuta hadn't liked the idea of playing the damsel in distress. He wasn't some sickly bedridden patient with a quivering voice and trembling limbs. Thankfully, Mahiru and Mikoto had talked him into taking a different angle: some of their favorite books and movies featured a battle-weary hero, weak from the fight and scorning the cowards that didn't fight alongside him. That seemed doable, he thought. He put an extra pant into his breath, hoping to evoke the thought of messy wounds from his brawl with Kotoko.
"Fuutaā¦ youā¦" They pulled a chair to the side of the table and took a seat. "Are you okay?"
That's their opening? What kind of fucking question is that?
He kept Mahiru's pointers in his head, picturing a bloodied and bandaged knight, or maybe an action hero resting up after getting riddled with bullets. He forced his voice to come out more tired than he felt.
"ā¦look like it?" Fuuta responded. If he was angry, his voice did a terrible job of showing it.
Es didn't know how to respond. Do I look like it? was obviously a rhetorical question, but they needed to show some tact.
After a moment, Fuuta spoke up again. "ā¦look awfulā¦ don't I?"
Still unsure of what to say, Es nodded slightly.
Heh. Good. Time to twist the knife a bit. Play the confident card, make them feel guilty. They'll see how strong I am -- how strong I've always been -- and what a mistake it was to let me fall so far.
"Could've been worse. Could've died."
Es stared down, pondering their next words. Several seconds passed.
Fuuta watched them. He felt a sinking in his stomach. Their sullen silence wasn't what he'd been anticipating. He wouldn't have been satisfied with a lot of possible responses, but he'd still been expecting something. Where was their respect? Their remorse? Their pity? Anything? He reached his arm out.
A loud knock on the table got their attention.
"Oiā¦ talking to you." Fuuta's irritated glare met Es as they lifted their head.
"I'm sorry," they said, "I'mā¦ I'm not sure what I can say."
"Don't know what to say? I almost died because ofā¦ you don't knowā¦ Even so, it's a miracle I ā¦ If Shidou had taken any longer, would've been over for me. Don't blame him, though.
I think I've said too much -- Shidou said only a few sentences at a time...
It was impossible to keep it short, though. Es just told him that they have nothing to say in defense of his near-death. Did he really mean so little to Es that they wouldn't even dignify him with an explanation?
"ā¦Oi, say something."
"Sor-"
"Sorry won't cut it." Fuuta sounded more pained than angry.
That was easier to accomplish now that he was actually feeling some pain. After everything, all Es had to say was a half-hearted "sorry."
So, they really don't care about me...
Es took a breath. "ā¦Kotoko did this to you?"
Well then, I guess I'll just have to make them care.
"No shā¦ aghā¦" Fuuta gasped for air.
"Fuuta!" Es got up and walked to his side. "I'll go get Shidou-"
"Don't!" Fuuta's eyes betrayed his desperation.
Only when my pain is thrown directly in my face do they give a damn. And they were going running off to Shidou, anyway! Though maybe...
After they locked eyes for a few moments, Fuuta let out a chuckle. "Look ā¦ you ā¦ down on me, like always. Must be so happy to seeā¦"
"I- no, I'm not. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't think Kotoko would-"
"Beat me to near-death? What'd you expect ā¦ you affirmed herā¦"
"Iā¦"
"ā¦thought she wouldnāt have ā¦ same crime here inā¦"
It seemed Es was finally listening, finally trying to open themself to him. And all of the sudden, Fuuta hated it. He felt paranoid under their gaze. He wasn't sure if it was fear of them seeing through his false injuries, or fear of another judgement from them. Regardless, he felt his pulse race with the way they were watching him.
"Oi, quit standingā¦ staringā¦"
"Iām sorry, I didn't think-"
"Uselessā¦ apologyā¦"
But what else could Es do besides apologize? Stand their ground and contradict Fuuta while he was in that pitiful state?
Fuuta was tired of their weak apologies. If Es had the conviction to name him guilty, they should toughen up and admit it.
With a deep breath, Fuuta forced himself to stay slumped into the bedsheets. He was getting riled up, but couldn't afford to look to strong.
"Really didn't think it'dā¦ turn outā¦ Me too. All I didā¦ call some bad person outā¦ say what's wrong was wrongā¦"
Es' gaze had become intense again. Those eyes, staring into his. Studying his injuries. Studying his expression.
Staring.
Staring.
Staring.
"Their reasons were b-" Fuuta gasped and clutched his chest. Es began to turn towards the door, but Fuuta grabbed their cape with his right hand.
Why can't they just offer help themself? Why do they go running off to someone else at the first sign of trouble? Am I really so disliked they can't face me?
Es swatted his hand away. "Hey, you can't just grab me like that."
"Don't dareā¦"
"Fine, I won't get Shidou. Yet." Es stood in place and waited for Fuuta to regain his voice.
Fuuta pretended to catch his breath, using the time to muster up something to say. If he wasn't so insistent on Es taking some responsibility for themself, he'd consider letting them call Shidou and just end this whole interrogation. He was ready to jump up and start swinging.
He itched to leap out of bed and give Es a real piece of his mind. He repeated the others' advice and pleading for him to keep his temper in check for the sake of the experiment. He thought of Amane -- how eagerly she awaited her own interrogation. All of this had been her plan, after all. As miserable as he was, he wouldn't ruin everything before she got her turn.
No, I will not steal her trial.
"You judged meā¦ said I was unforgivableā¦ without the whole storyā¦ How's that any different?"
"Excuse me?"
"That's so hypo- khh!" Fuuta slammed his hand on the table, trying to play it off as an emphasis, but that didn't mask his pain.
"Careful, Fuuta! You'll hurt-" Es gave up on that concern when Fuuta glared.
Pssh, like they actually care.
"Someone died because of you. You're saying I'm the same?"
"I didn't think they'd die!"
"But you knew people would dogpile them."
"I wasn't acting alone. Anyone elseā¦ out of my controlā¦ Why'd you pick meā¦"
"Milgram has judged-"
"Milgram doesn't make any f-"
Maybe Es should have put their foot down and called Shidou regardless of Fuuta's wishes. But something compelled them to hear him out. "Don't push yourself."
He tried to gauge if they were being sincere. He wasn't sure if he only mistook it as genuine concern since he was hoping for that so very badly.
Fuuta was clearly annoyed, but he took a breath and continued. "Still don't see it? We're just the same!"
"Me? The same as you?" Es couldn't deny Fuuta's point. They both made their judgments without thinking that someone could be seriously hurtāor dead.
That's got their mind turning, huh? I've got 'em now -- even if they don't feel like taking responsibility for my condition, I can subtly get them to take responsibilty for anothers'.
Fuuta was not known for his subtlety.
"I'll tell you. They were just in middle school. Maybe closer to Amaneā¦ than youā¦"
"Amaneā¦" Es already knew this from what they gleaned from Fuuta's first video, but it didn't register how close in age their victims were. Wait, why were they thinking of Amane as a victim? "Amaneā¦ huhā¦ I noticed you two have been spending a lot of time together lately."
"You kidding? Don't change the subject... You don't talk about her likeā¦ Only one who cared before everything went to hell. You made her go through it. Decided she wasn't forgivableā¦ painted a targetā¦ She could've died too! Then we'd be exactlyā¦"
"Don't put me on the same level as you."
He took another moment to calm himself. His "broken" arm clenched into a fish underneath the blankets. It made sense that Es wouldn't want to talk about the other prisoners during his interrogation, but their avoidance of Amane made his blood boil.
"Are you not-"
"I'm just doing my job. Nobody told you to go online and decide who are bad people and harass them. You made a game out of judgment. This is what I'm supposed to do."
Fuuta laughed at Es for still failing to acknowledge their similarities. Then he winced in pain. Then he kept laughing and mocking Es for taking their job seriously.
It was difficult to keep up the act the whole time, but he was always quick to recover each time he slipped up. He was doing this for the others. All hope for himself was lost, but at least he could do this for the others.
Es snapped back. A pointless, cyclical conversation. Fuuta stopped Es from calling Shidou no less than three times.
If he had to sit here and suffer through this interrogation, so did Es.
Eventually, the bell brought the conversation to a halt.
Silence.
Why was Fuuta so quiet?
"Heyā¦ Fuuta?" Es leaned over to get a better look at his face. His eyes seemed glassy, and he seemed to be breathing more slowly. "Fuutaā¦ I'll go get-"
"Don't. Not worthā¦"
"Worth what?"
"If you're not going toā¦ forgiveā¦ what's the pointā¦ living?"
Fuuta would just chalk it up to getting too in-character, when the others asked.
"Don't say-"
"Everything hurts so much."
This feeling of betrayal. Of loneliness. The fact that I was the first named unforgiven. The fact that I'd be the first attacked, making me the victim -- not a hero, nor a warrior. The fact that you knew all along. You knew I was none of those things. You saw right through my act, to the real me, the one who is a victim. And that's why you acted the way that you did. You're trying to do your job without hurting me any more, as if I'm something fragile to be handled carefully. And that hurts most of all.
To keep things on track, he added,
"Painkillers don't helpā¦ Strange wonder I survived. Is it really worth it?"
"Worth itā¦" What could Es even say about that? Anything they could think of was either more unwanted pity orā¦
A cold accusation that Fuuta was bargaining his life for forgiveness. Es's thoughts flitted back to Haruka's interrogation- no, that comparison was unfair. Haruka's loaded intentions were worlds away from Fuuta's resignation. How could Es dareā¦
"I understandā¦ this job requires resolveā¦"
"Resolve? You really have resolveā¦ just kill me. With your own two hands. Don't hide behind the rules."
Look who's talking...
"I can't do that. I can't sink to the prisoners' level. It's my job as the warden to make a fair judgement. Iā¦ I have to judge each and every one of youā¦ no matter how much they plead, cry, or bargainā¦ even if they are dying right in front of me."
"What is even the point? You give a damn about my life, forgive me! If not, kill meā¦ get it over with."
The words came tumbling out. Fuuta tried not to think so hard about what he was saying. It was all in character. That was it.
For some reason, he got the sinking sensation that he'd be pulled aside later to explain himself. He wasn't sure who'd get to him first. Yuno? Shidou? Kotoko? Now that he thought about it, it would probably be Mahiru.
"Bargaining tactics won't work with me."
"Not like I care. Orā¦ if I get out of this alive, I'llā¦ killā¦ youā¦"
"Fine by me. If we truly are the same, then I'll have had it coming. Now, Prisoner no. 3, Fuuta, sing your sins."
Fuuta breathed a sigh of relief.
Fucking finally...
#milgram#au combo!!#es#fuuta kajiyama#order or attack#lights camera sing your sins#we are fuutaposting (FOUR posts across blogs??) then going to SLEEP its past my bedtime -_-#i was busy today so i stole some peaceful me time to write >:3 but i stole too much and now its 1am.... alas......#it was really fun setting this up like directors commentary asdfsdf (which i have an actual one to do from you still)#i expected for him to have more anger and impatience but i realized hed be pretty emotionally hurt still#also yeah. i think hed be in a bit of denial about his self-harming thoughts and unsure why they just start spilling out#then has to unpack A Lot behind the scenes#i think if it were anyone else hed go 'screw it - im going to ruin this experiment and call es out and everyone can go home'#but because he was moved by amanes mission specifically he has the bare minimum of self control to keep the act up ;--;#i wanted to include more of the fun behind the scenes mv details that hes aware of but it never really came up š¤#thank you for the ask - this was so fun! :0#drabbles#maybe? more like a parasite drabble latched onto your writing š
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"average person creates 3 new AUs per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person makes 0 AUs per year. Alternate Universes Catie, who lives in cave & makes over 2 each month, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
#i think about how many ive made this year and i feel a bit woozy#its so funny bcs ive always been weirdly staunch abt not making AUs for my own characters#<- just bcs i wanna establish them and putting them in different AUs makes it a bit less stable so#and them i start drawing fanart for the first time in my life and go absolutely nuts#let me think hmm i think ive made 8 or so this year š¤#not all of them have art yet but they do haunt me#like also does it count if you make offshoots of your own AUs š#i have too many thoughts ;;;;;#also i think its just bcs i really crave learning new info#and ive learned *a lot* about f1 so its fun to make AUs by learning more abt smth else and then combining them#like hmm how do these real world events fit into early 18th century europe JSKFKGLLVLV#actually i *do* live in cave. me and my dark bedroom š¤§#if you stay on my blog you WILL get a history or culture lesson abt some inane thing#catie.rambling.txt#*i need to start putting 'scheduled' in the tags of posts so you guys dont get a horrible perception of my sleep schedule#well it is horrible. but not horrible enough that im staying up *too* late
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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Pairing: Ash (self-insert)/Basch fon Ronsenburg
Word Count: Almost 800.
Warnings: suggestive if you squint, literally just them making out, takes place a year after the game, vague ff12 spoilers
Synopsis: Unfortunately so, not even being a married woman could save Ash from the responsibility of being the Flame of Rabanastre. And yet, in times of peace, the distance between her and her husband felt farther than ever. With enough nagging from her friends and comrades, Ash takes the journey to reunite with her husband. And clearly, her knight in shining armor missed her just as much as she missed him.
The Arcadian silks are smooth and soft against Ash's bare back as she lies down against the back, letting Basch climb on top of her with ease. Ash makes herself comfortable against the cushioned pillows. Her hair was down, a halo of black curls that Basch had been so eager to feel once again. After all, it wasn't often they had time for themselves since the war ended, so all the time they had together was savored.
Ash's hands grasp at the sheets,
"Now these... These are nice."
"Aren't they?"
Basch's voice is deep and rough, and it's clear that the last thing he's focused on is the look of the damn sheets.
"You look beautiful with the red as your canvas."
Ash could never get enough of him, and she never planned to. The ring on her finger was but a physical representation of a promise that was always there, even when Basch was behind bars for two years. Still, despite it all, Ash thinks to herself that she was the luckiest woman in all of Ivalice to have such a view all to herself.
Ash humors his words with a soft smirk. Her fingers trail up from the red, silken sheets up his arm. Her touch is gently, her nails just dragging along his scarred skin and muscle to eventually rest her hand upon his cheek. She takes a moment to truly admire him.
They were older now, so much older than they were when they meet, but blue-gray eyes like a perfect storm always stayed the same. His hair was shorter now, in an attempt to look like someone who he never truly was. To the world, Basch was dead. To her, Basch was her life.
"It is rather exquisite bedding... Though I would expect nothing less from the Emperor's loyal protector."
Through the thin, white curtains blowing softly from the window, there was little but the moonlight illuminating them. Ash liked it that wayāIt reminded her of old times. Nothing but them and the sand beneath the stars, the sounds of quiet gasps and whispers of love the only thing either of them could care about. Archades wasn't the deserts she called home, but Basch's arms were home enough.
A flame needs a spark, and that's exactly what he was to her.
Ash leans her head back with a soft moan as her partner kisses her neck. If this is what happened whenever she got out of Rabanastre for a month, perhaps she had better become Archadia's Flame instead, always within arms reach of her loyal knight.
Basch leans in to pepper kisses along Ash's jaw, the poke of his short beard a contrast to the soft, feather-like touches of his lips.
Ash can feel him chuckle,
"I am much more than that, my lady. Allow me to show you."
They had been lovers for years, friends for even longer. It's not heated passion or lust that brought them together on that quiet night in the castle, but rather the feeling of two lovers reuniting. And Ash has no complaints.
There is nothing quick or hungry about the way Basch kisses her. Basch does not just kiss her. Basch worships Ash. Her body is one that he knows all too well. It was one that he had known when he was so much more than the man he was now, one that he had known whenever he was held in chains in Nalbina, and one that he had known in the hot, Dalmascan nights that left him red and exhausted.
Every inch of her is something that he knows so intimately, so he takes his time kissing her, feeling her as if to memorize her with his lips once more.
How could she? She had spent so many nights in Rabanastre dreaming night and day about her husband's arms only to realize that, as always, the real thing is so much better. Basch's lips trail down to her clavicle, kissing and sucking soft bruises that he knew Ash loved. The sweet melody of her breath and soft whispers of I love you only serving as motivation for him to continue. After all, it was a knight's job to serve his lady.
His hand trails to the side to meet hers, their fingers interlocking in a way that only affirmed the belief that, yes, they truly were made for each other. Ash simply closes her eyes and sighs, basking in the feeling.
Perfect in every single way is what Basch was to her.
#guysss i finisheddd#ash rambles š#my desert flower š„#hehe enjoy! i really like this one!#selfship writing#f/o x s/i#f/o community#also while I'm here lol proship dni#self insert#selfship community#literally what other tags do i use...#anyways yeah feel free to rb this if you want hehe!#ash writes šāļø#me x the boys#<- using that tag for organization's sake. this blog needs a rework#i have since realized i like shipping with women too#anyways i got sidetracked#heres ash and b.asch smooching it out! good for them! they enjoy the night a lot#theyre in love your honor!
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